Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So much Jack, so little girl.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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