Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Randomize