i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
