I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
