do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
