I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
