worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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