That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
