And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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