OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
