It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
