Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
