I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
