Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize