Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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