woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
