I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
