i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
