If i come over, it means nothing
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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