my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it glows. i had to have it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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