Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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