I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
