I wish I could teleport
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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