i can't believe i had my finger in that
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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