I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
