VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
