You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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