He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
