pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
