Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
A bitchslap is in order.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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