I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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