Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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