proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
