I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
