have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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