I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
