found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
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My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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