did you get engaged???
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
