my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
