just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
