im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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