Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
