Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
