I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
