What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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