from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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