Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
