im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
