No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
