If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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