Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
