My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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