My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
