i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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