he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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