i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
