fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
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Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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