Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
