Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
