Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
