my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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