Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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