I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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