I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Randomize
