I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
