their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I cockslap morals
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
