I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
