he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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