Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
