drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
