Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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