you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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