I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
