So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
