it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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