I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
